I had assumed it would be easier for me to leave home this time as I was not going to an unknown place now. However, as the day of the journey approached, I could sense myself feeling more and more nostalgic. I felt a tad better when I entered the airport and spotted a friend wearing a USC T-shirt. A few more friends joined us some time later and slowly the conversation drifted onto the topics which scared me, like internships. It was an alert for me to brace myself to face such situations till I land an internship (or do not!).
As I stood outside the LA airport with my friends waiting for the shuttle to take us home, all I could think about was that I wanted to go back home as soon as possible, with a job offer. The familiarity of our house and my roommates was reassuring. I invited my friends over in the evening to treat them to all the homemade snacks and sweets. It is hard to ignore the furor over the preparation for internships, and the awe with which people who already secured offers are greeted. I spent a few days getting in tune with my classes. The only excitement awaiting me was my birthday, if anyone planned anything.
I tried sleeping early on the night before my birthday, but woke up to the chatter of my friends who had gathered near our house just before midnight. After I cut the cake and everybody left, I curiously looked through my gift – a book filled with wishes from most of my friends. The saddest part was that I was the center of attraction for a while and then I had to start and end the day just like any other. I did mundane tasks at work and returned home. Another roommate who lost her father recently returned late in the afternoon and burst into tears, bringing back to my mind some questions I had when I heard the news, what would I tell her, will she speak and behave like she did before, how will she get through each day! She seems to be fine since then, setting an example to us. I missed home a little as I thought I would have more opportunities for me to make my day somewhat more interesting if I was there. I got a new phone though, which made up for most of my disillusionment.
I devised my own ways to stay away from getting lost in the fray of job hunt. I sometimes go days without talking to my parents and without going to the library (where I will find friends studying) so that I do not feel too unproductive. Feeling happy for others, rather than treating their success as a proof of my incompetence seems to be working. Getting in touch with people you do not know, or have barely spoken to, in the hope that they will be of some help, is also part of this plan.
Amidst these worries, looking at the bright side, some wonderful things are happening too. A worker at our transportation office won the USC President’s staff achievement award and we had a surprise celebration for him. I do not think I will easily forget his face when he was brought there by a pretense of something of crucial consequences and we all yelled ‘Surprise’ in unison. He was clueless as to why he was there, and the boss shook his hand and said “You are fired” playfully. When the cash award was announced, someone in the crowd shouted, “I’ve always been a good friend of yours!”
It is funny how I lament about my unfruitful days, but jumped at the opportunity of going on a biking trip. So I celebrated Valentine’s Day cycling around fourteen miles with seven others along the nearby beaches, playing volley ball/throw ball (if you are wondering what that is, look it up) and having lunch at a restaurant where the server dropped our pizza and apologetically treated us to some food which was on him so that their reputation would not be hurt. Though my back hurts now, I think the day helped me remind myself that I can still achieve whatever I think is unreachable, and if I do not try, I will never know what I am capable of!