Our professor talks about how we should emulate nature while designing any complex systems. In his view, the solution to any problem we face can be found in our surroundings, only if we care to observe. This is apparently why he believes in god. He even shared a story about a girl who had seizures, had half of her brain cut off and survives today without any defects.
I sometimes suffer from a problem called sleep apnea, due to which I stop breathing while asleep and my brain actually takes care to let my body know, and I wake up with a long gasp to scare my roommates who wonder if it is a Halloween stunt. I would like to think of it as a sign that there are better things to come. If I am important enough to be signaled to wake up and breathe, I could be crucial to something more in this world. This is my turn to admire how everything is perfectly engineered as it is in nature. Amazed as I am at the way my brain can “tell” me to do something, I wonder why it does not take complete control while I am awake, make me smarter and help me think logically and steer clear of blunders. The only thing it seems to care about these days is what goes into my stomach.
It does play with me sometimes. It tricks me into believing that I am working too hard, when in fact, all I am doing is surviving with minimal efforts. It is when I wake up everyday to see a host of rejects in my inbox from the companies that I meticulously applied to, that I think of how I could have done something earlier that would not have led to this.
Sometimes, the brain is notorious for bringing back memories – both sweet and bitter. Last year this time, I was quite a different person, with dreams that weren’t shattered, and I imagined being able to study well, as well as to have fun at school. I was a regular at every event that was held on campus that was open to all, especially the ones with free food. I kept track of all such happenings and even ushered others to join me. All that mattered to me at the end of the day was that I had not wasted too much time and more or less everybody I knew seemed happy. How things have changed! All those who convinced me to attend the Halloween party last year do not seem to care for my existence anymore. The people who added flare to the party last time are still around, but busy with their own lives. Life does seem like a really tough brain teaser now, and all I do is make it more knotty with unnecessary brooding.
I do not know if I will be rewarded for denying myself chances to be happy and relaxed because I feel guilty. If that is how it works, my day is not far off. A year later, hopefully, all the thoughts that I have now will seem stupid too, and I will have sweeter memories.